Faith is about seeking always to be in relationship with God. Sometimes that is easy. Life is going well -- good things are happening -- evidence of God is everywhere. Of course we believe in God. Of course we know that we are loved by God. Of course we want to live our lives in harmony with God’s presence. How could anyone possibly have any doubts?

But life is not always sunshine and flowers. There are times when darkness threatens to overwhelm us and even our memory of the sun begins to fade. If this has not been a part of your life experience, the chances are good that it will be before all is said and done. Suffering is a part of the human condition. And when such moments find us, it can be difficult to find the God of our faith. Sometimes faith involves lots of searching and not much finding.

Both of the scripture texts do a powerful job of giving voice to such an experience. And both of them are difficult to hear because they do not offer any quick and easy answers. They take us into the midst of the struggle and ask us simply to remain there for a while. We need not remain there forever. Both Job and the psalmist eventually find their way out of the darkness into God’s brilliant light. But it is helpful to remember that sometimes in the midst of the darkness it is all but impossible to see the light. That is why it is good to look at such experiences before we find ourselves in the midst of them.

In the book of Job we find the story of a life gone seriously wrong and the search for meaning in the midst of that crisis. Why is this happening? What does it mean? Where is God? These are just some of the questions which rise to the surface. Job’s friends offer a variety of interpretations, most of which seem to be variations on the theme of “you must have done something wrong or God wouldn’t be punishing you.” But Job consistently insists that there must be some other explanation. He doesn’t know what that explanation might be and at the moment he can’t seem to locate God to find out. But he’s not giving up. In fact, that is one of the most remarkable things about the story of Job. In the face of utter disaster, he yells and screams and questions and wants to die. But he never stops seeking God. He never gives up. The easy answers offered by his friends finally prove unsatisfactory and empty. Even his own searching does not produce the kind of answers he is seeking to find. But in the end, because he does not abandon the quest, a new way of understanding God emerges. Light does dawn, but only after a long, dark night of grappling with God.

Psalm 22 represents a similar experience. Life for the psalmist is closing in. The enemy is at the gate. Everything has come undone. And in the midst of such physical and emotional turmoil, there is the added spiritual turmoil of feeling abandoned by God. It is worth noting that in his final moments of agony on the cross, Jesus chose this psalm to give voice to his anguish. One of the reasons, I believe, is because it does such a powerful job of expressing the fluid way in which the one who is suffering moves back and forth between clinging to some trace of faith that God might yet be found and despair that all is lost, including God. The lectionary editors made an interesting choice in deciding to end the reading at verse 15, rather than continue on to the end of the psalm. Just 7 verses after the ending of our reading for today, there is a shift. Things turn around. The psalmist gains a fresh new perspective and begins to recognize that God is, indeed, present and active, even in the midst of the current darkness. But by choosing to end the reading at verse 15 -- “you lay me in the dust of death” -- we are reminded that even when there is light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes our experience simply does not feel that way. Sometimes the darkness is so thick that despair is all that defines the experience. There are times when getting to the end of the psalm means just hanging out for awhile in the middle first. But in addition to great suffering, the psalmist shares one other thing in common with Job -- tenacity. Even when there are no easy answers. Even when there seems to be only darkness and pain. Maybe even especially then. The psalmist continues to grapple with God. Right from the opening line we see it. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me.” (Psalm 22:1) In the very act of proclaiming a sense of abandonment, there is also a sense of connection and relationship. “My God.” Even when it seems like only darkness and death right now, there is the attempt to recall those times which have gone before when God was surely present.

I do not believe that either text represents an accurate view of who God really is. God does not cause us to suffer. God does not intentionally inflict pain just to make a point or teach us a lesson. God does not abandon us and forsake us. Standing above all of the promises in scripture is the promise that God loves us unconditionally and will be actively present with us always and forever. But both Job and the psalmist do present us with a powerfully accurate picture of what life feels like sometimes. As I wrote in a poem while a friend was dying of AIDS, “In the end it’s love that wins. In the end it’s God who triumphs. But in this wilderness before then, it’s hard to see that far.” (The Winds of Fearful Silence) And the lesson from both Job and the psalmist seems clear. Don’t give up. Not when life gets painful and confusing. Not when God can’t be found. Not when no good answers seem to be forthcoming. Not ever. Because finally the mystery of God cannot and will not be defined and understood in quick, easy and simple terms. Sometimes it is only when we dare to grapple with God in the midst of our pain and confusion that we begin to come to terms with who God is in our lives. Yell, scream, cry out in pain, be angry, be outraged, but keep on grappling. The darkness will not last forever. It only seems like that sometimes. In the end the God we discover is worth the struggle and has been waiting for us all along.